What is this blog about?


These are anonymous pages, words and confessions of abused women. The reason this exists, is to give abused women a voice. Where they can share their deepest words, just to get it off their chests. It will bring women together and know that someone is reading their words of survival, and give others the opportunity to relate.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Diary Page #2

You are a control freak, you are a controlling ABUSER, you are an ABUSER!!
I will not forget anything, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE! I'll forget no grudges here, so help me god i will never forget!

I have never been so hurt, your words eat at me like acid, but it's your actions that leave scars! My emotions burst in fits of rage when hear the pounding of your feet as they step out of the car. The screeching of your voice as they engage in speech! My feelings are deeply wounded but it's your actions that leave me scarred

Diary Page #1

Things Mr. S does that is hurtful to me:
That i don't know how to talk and that i slur my words. It's continuous! I think he does it to break my self esteem. He knows that in highschool i went to speech impediment classes during lunch hour break.

When it comes to food he makes me feel horrible and just has broken me down. He always tells me to "control myself", that i need "control". Over the past years we have been married he has told me over and over again how he wishes my body looked like. He has tormented me about my weight and compared me repeatedly to other females with much smaller frames. This lead me to have eating disorders of all kinds.

When it comes to sex, i have no desire for him. I don't want sex from a man who has tormented me for our whole marriage. It makes me sick, he always tells me that i need to have sex and my issues are mental "It's all in your head". One time he even confessed to me that he believes "It's a womans job to please her husband". After he said this, he left me in the hotel room to cry. I cried for so many hours.

I want to clarify that my husband is twice my age. When i married him i was 18, and he manipulated me from the start, he even admitted that he manipulated me for a long time. This hurt me so much and i can never trust him.

Mr S has put tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I feel so conned, i don't understand, i feel confused and i only found out during a recent conversation. When it came to financial situations he always got me to think that "it's too complicated" he'd always say to me "youu just wouldn't understand" "It's too hard to explain" and always try to avoid conversation by making me feel guilty that i even brought it up. Most times leaving the house and not coming back for several hours.
When it came to papers he would always make me sign it that day claiming " you have to do it", "it has to be done today!".

I CAN'T GET OUT, I'M SO STUCK! He's isolated me from my family and is just such a manipulative person. He believes in the Machiavellian way, and always reminds me.
If i leave, i don't know how to get back to my country, i have no money, i have no family. I miss my family so so much. At first it wasn't like this, i feel so sick, i wish someone could save me. I wish i could save others!